Wasn’t in the Cards by Leah

Have you ever heard someone say while playing a game of cards, “It just wasn’t in the cards”? When I first learned how to play Bid Whist, I was told this phrase meant whatever cards you played or didn’t play during the game were not the only deciding factor in determining if you won the game, but also it mattered how the cards were shuffled and dealt to each player.

Certainly, skill is involved, but even the best Bid players lose games too if they are not dealt ‘good cards’, right? In other words, your chance of winning, whether it is 10%, 45%, 76% or 100%, is pre-determined from the beginning.

It wasn’t in the cards.

Relationships can be tricky. No one gets to pick their family ties before they are born, but we can choose who we become. During meditation one morning, I pondered over my family and life.

When I was 11, there was a popular girl in my 6th grade class I thought was pretty, smart and wore the cutest clothes. She always had an entourage of people around her at all times. I too wanted to be one of her circle of friends. Who wants to be left out, excluded or not apart of the “in crowd”? Not me!

Then in 8th grade, one of the boys in my neighborhood was “Mr. Hotty” of all time. He was slightly taller than most of the other boys on the block, light-skinned, with curly, sandy-brown hair and a bright smile. His smile made everyone feel welcomed and important. What girl wouldn’t want him as their boyfriend?

In High School, my junior class homeroom teacher was the flyest and sharpest dresser in the school. She was intelligent, classy and keen. She could see right through any lie and pretense. She was a “no-nonsense” kind of woman who was brilliant in math. I secretly hoped she would take me “under her wing” and teach me how to dress nicely and be brilliant too.

How about your jazzy Aunt or your hip Uncle? They were your favorites, but you were never theirs. Perhaps, your younger brother or older sister was. No matter what you did to get their attention, you were always their second choice.

At your place of employment, you show up for work early, work hard and often stay late. You meet your deadlines, you are an excellent team member and player, and you make it a practice to remember to wish your co-workers a happy birthday on their special day. Yet no one seems to notice or include you in any after-work activities.

I don’t know which “end of the stick marks your childhood.” Whether you were the popular senior prom queen or the nerdy girl with the wire glasses. One thing I do know, whoever you thought you should have been, wasn’t in the cards.

The hand life dealt YOU determined your heritage, who your parents are, if you were raised by both or one parent, or your widowed father or your elderly grandmother. If you are an only child or if you have five siblings.

Perhaps, you lived in a two-room shack in the Deltas or in an exclusive country club, gated community of Beverly Hills. Or did you barely finish high school or earn two masters and three doctorate degrees?

What I AM NOT saying is that if you were born in a two-room dump then you are destined to that place forever.  No! As we learn to do better, we can also choose better. During your most difficult times, do you push beyond to something better or do you give into hopelessness and do nothing?

News flash!  You cannot choose what goes on in another person’s life neither. You cannot “wish upon a star” nor manipulate a situation to fit your ‘world’. Be who you’ve been called to be and allow others to do the same. If you meet someone fabulous and desire a closer relationship with them, then by all means, show yourself friendly. If your actions are not reciprocated, that’s ok. Knock the dust off and move on.

It wasn’t in the cards…

You and I have purpose. Others have it too. It may not be up to us which family we were born into or how are childhoods were “played” out.  IT IS our responsibility to find our purpose: the who, what, when, where and why for our lives.

I am a late bloomer in figuring this out. Maybe you are too. Let’s search out and work on our purposes together. What do you say?

Accept what has happened and leave it where it is, IN YOUR PAST. Determine what kind of legacy you want to leave for your children’s children and then create strong links for their heritage.